Confusion and Loss
by Riku-Heartilly
Summary: Slight LightxL. Mostly BBxL/LxBB Lemon and gore and slight OOC-ness. You've been warned.


I made this because I was simply bored and just felt like writing it.

**Warning:** Contains Yaoi, lemon, gore, death, Slight LightxL, LxBB, Slight OOC-ness, S&M.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note or the characters within it. Nor do I own Death Note: Another Note or B.

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Pitter patter, pitter patter. That was the sound that only he could hear. In the silence of it all, only the pitter pattering of the blood dripping to the floor could be heard. Discarded bloodied tools lay scattered about around the figure standing forth. Right in the middle of the pool of blood. This figure bent down, in a crouching like way, gently stretching his lanky arm out and picking up a disembowled arm. Bringing the arm up to this persons face. This human being began to scan every bit of this arm carefully. A smile slowly crossed his face. At first it seemed innocent. However it grew to something that would be known as an unrecognizable evil. His tongue lashed out at some of the torn skin. Licking the blood clean off. The taste was bitter-sweet. His thoughts were sour and frightening. At first it was just slow. Licking the blood slowly like it was a treat that he needed to conserve. It grew to more then just that. He soon began to nip, then chew at the skin. Eventually knawing off chunks of it until this evil had reached the bone of the arm. His toes wriggled as he felt the blood between them. The ends of his pants stained with the red substance. There lay before this evil a half dead person. Just staring idol like at the cannibal like creature that had just beheaded this half dead person's closest friend. This half dead person was...

L

He watched not able to speak. Was something wrong with him? Maybe he admitted defeat towards this despicable evil being before him? His pale skin in contrast with the blood around him. Pitter patter, pitter patter. Was the only noise that he could hear. Or atleast allow himself to hear. He watched as the being he'd known for soo long soon arise from the crouching like position that he was in come forth. Closer to L. L was prepared. Ready for anything this monster was going to do to him. Watching as this dreadful being threw aside the chewed up arm and bend down leaning his head close to L's, so L could only look at this terror before him. Red eye's against black. Red like blood, red like the flames of hell. "Lawliet...You will always be mine...Never anyone elses. You belong to Beyond Birthday"

His eye's snapped open. Looking around the room L sighed deeply. It was all just a dream after all. His eye's immediately turned to Light who was typing away at his computer. L sighed more apathetic then before. How could he soo easily fall asleep like that? He needed to stay awake to keep an eye on Light. Sleep was not of importance for L. Never would be. He wasn't a sleeping kind of person.

"Light-kun what time is it?" L asked dully looking around to see no one was there. Did he sleep for a long time? It seemed like it.

"Around 9 ish at night why do you ask?" Light didn't even glance to L and continued on with his typing.

"No reason..." L replied not willing to let Light know about him falling asleep. L lazily stretched his arms slightly. Causing him to accidentally tug Light's own hand away from his keyboard. Light's eye's glanced to L noticing this.

"Are you tired Ryuzaki?" Light asked looking totally away from the keyboard. Maybe if he was lucky L would actually allow Light to get proper sleep for once.

"Why does Light-kun ask this? Do I look tired?"

"Yes you do actually" Light was being honest. Though L seemed to just turn his head to his computer and go on typing.

"If Light-kun thinks that I look tired then maybe we should get some rest for tonight" L admitted. Maybe his drowsiness from earlier was a sign for him to get proper sleep for once. Though he didn't want to have that nightmare again.

L and Light both arrived in their room. L looking emotionless as usual. His mind still couldn't push the thoughts of his dream away. Light had flopped onto the bed getting under the covers. He felt exhausted himself and definately needed sleep. He was curious to why L was looking tired. Sure L rarely ever slept but thats how he was. L had bags which usually made people look tired. Not L though. Those bags were a rather nice feature to the detective. The black bags made him look more appealing in a way. Most people would look dreadful with the messy hair and old clothing that made them look homeless. Not L. L looked really appealing with the messy hair, baggy clothes, pale skin and dark bags. Light just shook his head from these odd thoughts. Why was he of all people thinking this unkept man beside him was appealing? Light felt confused and now less tired then before.

Oddly enough L had fallen asleep rather quickly. Even before Light. Light was unfortunate tonight. He wasn't tired. What was with this. He laid on his back looking up at the ceiling trying to think of thoughts on the Kira case or something else interesting. The only thing that kept coming up in his mind was L. L and his appealing features. How attractive L was and how wonderfully figured the adult was. No matter how hard Light tried to push these thoughts away they would just return. So he tried to close his eye's and fall asleep. He began to think more and more about L through the night. He was growing odd feelings for the detective. Feelings that were awkward and hard to explain. Emotions that before Light would never have even thought for L. Now for some reason it was different. Why? He did not know.

Not successful.

He still couldn't fall asleep. Though he was starting to get tired. Hours went by as the room got darker and darker. By Light's guess it was around maybe one or two in the morning.

..."Don't fear my beloved Lawliet" Beyond laughed maniacally as his bony fingers ran down L's chest delicately like L was some sort of ornament. L's arms and legs, chained to a wall. His chest bare as he shrunk away from this demented evil as best as he could. He opened his mouth to speak but another one of Beyond's bony fingers was placed upon L's lips shushing the man. L oddly shut his lips and stared at the man before him as he watched this evil take ahold of a pair of scissors. "Dear dear Lawliet...when will you learn?" Clutching the scissors tightly in one of his pale hands. Beyond raised this pair of sharp dagger like scissors infront of L's face. Both of their faces looking at eachother. How oddly they could look alike and yet not. Red like blood, the eye's always reminded L of this always. Pitter patter, pitter patter. L felt a sharp pain go through his right eye as he watched with his left one. Beyond had quickly plunged the scissors into L's right eye. Twisting and turning them until...pop. L's eye was pulled out of his eye socket. L's mouth ajar and his other eye widened in utter horror. Beyond couldn't help but giggle to himself. Gently bending down and picking up the beautiful bloody black eye. "Soo wonderous..." Beyond spoke soothingly as he dropped the scissors and began to poke L's eye. L tried as best as he could to struggle, get free, scream. But nothing. Something was holding him back as he watched Beyond. "Now...L we all know why you don't ever try to escape correct?" Beyond whispered leaning next to L's ear. "Its not just because you belong to me...Even if your will tries to fight back your body refuses...Answer the question that you know I will ask..." Beyond withdrew his head and looked at L. "We all know why L..." Pitter patter, the sound of the blood dripping from L's face.

Light's eye's shot open as he heard the chain rattle. He wasn't asleep yet. He began to hear the chain jingle and whimpers come from the other side of the bed. L was clearly having some sort of nightmare. Light turned on his side to face L. The detective was tossing and turning, whimpering and mumbling nonsense. For some reason Light seemed to frown. He felt sympathy and these odd feelings for L for some reason. Slowly and softly wrapping his arms around L he pulled the sleeping detective close. Just as he had assumed L had shot his eye's open. L stared into Light's face. Not saying anything at first. He just lay there staring. L still seemed pretty shocked from another one of his nightmares. Light seemed to notice. He'd never seen L this frightened before. What could be this frightening?

"Ryuzaki?" Light asked in a soft voice hoping L would respond. L did not however. He continued to be lost in his thoughts still thinking about the nightmare apparently.

"Ryuzaki" Light spoke again alittle louder. Still nothing. L did not respond and continued to lay quiet. Light sighed. This was getting no where and he was worried for his friend. Slowly he leaned his head closer to L's. L's eye's dark and wide as usual seemed to show no hint of emotion. For some reason however Light could read L right at this moment. L did nothing and continued to lay emotionless. His breathing was the only thing that could be heard. If he were not breathing he'd look pretty much dead. Light not caring about anything at the moment right now except for L, slowly and tenderly placed his lips upon L's. They did not move for afew moments. L's eye's seemed to soften as he looked to Light. Light was the one to pull away. L did not speak but merely wrapped his arms around Light's waist and pulled him closer then before. Both men soon fell asleep in eachothers arms.

L was the first to awaken. He remembered last night clearly. His eye's gazed at Light. He was still in Light's wrapped arms from last night and vice versa. He just watched Light until the teenager awoke himself. It was awkward for the two of them. Light and L seemed to not know what to say about the events last night. Light was concerned however about the nightmare and wanted to ask L about the dream. L removed his arms away from Light and sat up. Light too sat up but didn't look at L. He was beginning to think was it really necessary to kiss L?

"Umm Ryuzaki about last night" Light spoke feeling totally guilty. L just put a finger to Light's lips and stuffing his one of his hands into his pockets pulling out a vibrating phone. He quickly flipped it open and answered with a soft "Hello?" His facial expression soon changed. He seemed to have bitten his bottom lip as he began to listen to the person speaking on the other side. Light could not hear the conversation. L wasn't speaking much just saying yes's and no's. He was confused. L seemed just as frightened as he was last night. Finally once L hung up he immediately got out of bed and began to stand at the window. His expression dull but not emotionless.

"Ryuzaki who was that?" Light seemed curious he wanted to know.

"..." L did not respond he continued to stare out the window.

"Ryuzaki?"  
"Did you hear the pitter pattering last night Light-kun?" L asked coldly though it sounded really creepy and eery at that.

"Pitter pattering you mean like rain on a roof? Or water? No" Light didn't understand L. What was this meaning to?

"What about the color red? Did you see it last night?" L seemed to continue off staring out the window like there was nothing else to look at.

"No it was dark. How was I supposed to see the color red in the dark?"  
"I see...Light-kun forgive me" L looked to Light with the same expression written on his face. Dull, dead like.

"Why are you forgiving me?"

"Light-kun do not care for me...For I am to die soon" L seemed to look somewhat frightened. "I do not want you involved..."

"Involved but L I do care for you and I do have feelings for you!" Light protested glaring at the detective. What was with L.

"Don't say such things Light-kun you do not care for me. I am not important to you!" L retorted back in a louder tone more serious-ness in his voice. It was a warning. Light didn't listen though.

"I'm not going to listen to this I care for you and you can not help that. You can't stop me feeling these emotions Ryuzaki!" Just as Light spoke this he paused to hear a soft chuckle from the other side of the room.

"So after all this time you lie to me Lawliet..." B stepped forward. Each step quiet, not even a sound. He walked over to L and looked into the man's face. "Betraying me are you my beloved Lawliet? Loving Kira?" Light seemed shocked. He was angry yes about B calling him Kira but the fact that this man looked identical to L was crazy. They even sounded the same. L did not move. He just took a step away from B and looked down at his feet.

"BB-kun I have not betrayed you..." L spoke emotionless seeming to try and shut all emotions now as best as he could.

"Really and yet you've never even answered the question. You've never admitted it. You cannot say you have not betrayed me when you've never even spoken those words to me" B mocked back as he moved one of his hands quickly to one of his pockets. L did not answer. Neither did Light. Both didn't speak. Beyond just looked at L smiling then pulling out a knife. A rather large knife at that. "So this is the man you've decided to give your love to Kira? Fine" Beyond began to crawl on the bed over towards Light. Light seemed to slowly edge away from the man, he noticed the knife.

"Light Yagami" Beyond said as his red eye's looked Light up and down.

"Yes?" Light whispered back as he glared at the man.

"Your such an idiot you realize?" Beyond laughed as he spoke this. Light just glared at Beyond angrily.

"I want you to know before I do anything to you. I have been in this building for afew days already. I was able to discover what you eat and I drugged yours and L's food. You should notice this because you will not fight back" Beyond grinned evilly and flipped the knife in his hand and lightly dragged it down Light's arm. Enough to cause bloodshed. Light groaned as he moved his other unharmed arm to his arm and looked up at Beyond menacingly.

"You think a drug's going to stop me?" Light seemed to not want to believe B's words and tried to aim a punch to B. However it turned unsuccessful and his hand went limp and fell to his side. Beyond began to giggle again. His giggling demented as he took his knife and plunged it into Light's stomache. He twisted it and began to carve out a chunk of skin. All the while Light screamed and groaned for someone to come help. Light's eye's glanced to L who just stood doing nothing. L wasn't even looking at Light. He watched L and not Beyond. L slowly began to crouch down on the ground. Light could no longer see L. L was just infront of the bed after all since they were handcuffed. Beyond laughed maniacally as he dug his hand into the now empty whole in Light's stomache. Pulling at many of Light's vital organs. Light cried out for help. He was not sobbing just yelling and screaming. Light was not going to give up to this L look alike. B however knew that Light was going to die sometime soon. B pulled out one of Light's lungs and began to squeeze it in his right hand. Looking it over carefully then throwing it behind him so it dropped infront of L. L was curled up in shock and fear. He could not move. B noticed this and just continued to go on with his fun.

"Light Yagami I know you are still alive" Beyond spoke tenderly in Light's ear. Light limply looked up at the killer. He seemed to be fading away from life already as it was.

B smiled at this and drove his knife inside of Light and began to lightly poke at Light's heart. Light gasped and groaned as he rolled his head back pleading to be free.

"Know this Kira-kun...L the greatest detective in the world belongs to me and only me. I'm going to tell you a little secret" B smiled playfully as he spoke his words filled with posion. Light's eye's began to flutter as he watched Beyond speak more.

"L Lawliet only loves one person...He is also not your property" Beyond's voice was cool and yet evil. He began to start poking harder at Light's heart. He could feel the warm blood staining the blankets.

L had arose from his crouched position and stood up looking over to B and Light. Light looked over to L and seemed to lose more and more of his life. Seconds going by faster then before. He watched L now. He wanted to see L as his last site if he were to die. Whether or not whatever this doppleganger said. Light would still feel those loving feelings for L.

"L I love you" Light spoke reaching up one of his bloodied arms to L. L's eye's watched Light's arm lift up. Beyond however didn't allow Light to fully do this and jabbed his knife fully into Light's heart. Light choked and gasped, coughing up blood. His eye's turning to a souless-ness and his body cold and pale. Beyond pulled his hands away from Light and crawled off the bed smiling happily. Once off the bed he licked off some of the blood that was on his hands.

L stared at Light's dead body. It was his fault Light was dead. Light shouldn't have died not now. Even though Light was a suspect for Kira. L had hoped Light was not Kira for some time now. L's eye's then directed themselves to B and watched as the evil man stood up and walked infront of L pushing L straight into a wall and crashing his lips into the detectives. L was pinned. Beyond was in control. L had lost hope. Beyond enjoyed this. L just looked up at B emotionlessly.

"You didn't save him? You could have" Beyond spoke moving his hands and and pressing them against L's arms to keep L in place.

"Its because I could not betray you...I told you I did not betray you..." L said trying not to keep eye contact with B.

"Yet you still have not admitted those words I've been awaiting to here" Beyond spoke deviously back. His lips pressing against L's again more rougher then before. L did not resist and allowed this he watched B expressionless.

"...You do not deserve to hear those words yet..." L spoke out after the kiss and seemingly annoying B. L had noticed this and somewhat felt like he had some control over the situation.

"Is that so?" Beyond did not look happy at all. He was annoyed. None the less B began to kiss L again. His hands slowly moving from L's arms to L's sides. L's arms went limp as he watched B. The man that he had been dreaming about recently. L closed his eye's not wanting to look at his replica any longer and soon felt B's tongue against his lips. He allowed B to explore his own mouth and do as he wished. L had given up. B had destroyed his life through his sleep and in real life. Entwining to his heart and now stuck there. L knew the consequences to this. He could not love another person but B. B was the only one that he'd ever be able to love. He hated B and yet loved the man. It was sick and twisted. Beyond pulled away from the kiss and began to trail kisses down to L's neck. Biting and licking at L's soft and pale skin.

"You won't get those words out of me no matter what you do" L half gasped as he felt B's hands glide down to his thigh's and rub them.

Beyond simply ignored L's words as he knew what he was planning for L after this. If he did not get what he wanted. B moved one of his hands to his back pocket and pulled out a knife. L noticed right away and did not flinch as he felt the cold metallic feeling of the knife. B however was not cutting L...yet. He was just cutting off L's shirt. "Remove the handcuff Lawliet" B spoke out. L didn't obey. He just stared at B. B began to grit his teeth. "Do you not love me. Are you betraying me?" B began to threaten L. L breathlessly shook his head and began to move one of his hands to his pocket. Pulling out a small key and unlocking the handcuff so he was no longer attached to it. He did not want to think about poor Light. Beyond shook his head and pushed L onto the bloody bed. L sat on the edge like a normal person for once as his eye's lingered and watched B's every movements.

Beyond walked over to one side of the bed and basically pushed off Light's body. "What a horrible Kira he was neh?" B asked not expecting an answer.

"He was a challenge...Like you" L replied stalely noticing he had annoyed B again. He soon felt B's arms wrapping around his waist.

"But I'll always be the one you love no matter what Lawliet...Not even if I tried hurt you" B said soothingly as he began to nibble at L's ear.

"That is correct..." L admitted emotionless He soon felt B's hands travel up his chest and begin to rub and play with his nipples. L rolled his head back moaning slightly at the feeling.

"Only I will ever make you feel happy Lawliet" B whispered in L's ear. One of his hands began to trail back down L's chest then to his stomache and soon to his thigh. His hand began to trail even more to the bulge in L's pants. He began to rub at it lightly hearing a gasped moan from L's lips. Beyond smiled evilly. "Say it Lawliet"

"N-no" L half gasped as he did not move or respond much else. Beyond was not satisfied and slowly began to crawl off the bed and infront of L.

"Your going to keep refusing are you?" B asked not pleased with L's answer. He sat on his knee's looking up at L and slowly unzipping his fly. He slowly peeled the pants off. L just looked at B with glassy eyes. His own two hands began to pull off B's shirt as best as he could. Once L had finally gotten rid of B's own shirt. B threw off his own pants and began to grind against L's body hearing soft pants and whimper's from L's lips. B smiled at how easily he had L under his control. L was his puppet now. Nothing else would change that. B's eye's then looked down upon L's boxers and began to place his bony hands on them. He tore them off quickly now able to see L's hardened member. "Oh poor Lawliet needs some help?" B teased as he placed a hand on L's member but was then slapped away by L's hand. B looked up at L slightly agitated.

"No I want to feel pain" L said looking down at B expecting him to do something. B just smiled and complied quickly reaching a hand over to his pants and pulling out a knife and driving it in L's thigh watching L grit his teeth. "More" L asked in a husky like tone. B just smiled and pulled the knife out gliding it down one of L's arms. While doing so, B's other free hand began to rub at L's member slowly at first. He enjoyed that L actually was enjoying the pain and pleasure. L moaned out B's name. B smiled playfully at L's moaning and began to glide the knife in a different place on L's body. Most preferably L's chest. B's rubbing began to get faster and faster. L's moans continued on. His back was arched and he was too lost in the pleasure and pain that he could not think of anything else. B suddenly stopped gliding the knife along with removing his hand from L's member. L looked down at B. Eye's glossed and expecting more. B gently placed the knife down beside him and lashed his tongue out to lick at the tip of L's member. L moaned again and his hands trailed down to B's hair and began to entangle themselves into the raven colored hair. B slowly licked L's shaft like a popscicle or even a lollipop. He enjoyed to hear L's screams of pleasure more this way. B then engulfed L's member hearing a loud moan erupt from L's mouth. He began to slowly suck at L's shaft. Moving up and down. His hands began to rub and trail imaginary lines on L's thigh's. L was thrusting to B's pumping. B could clearly tell that L was reaching his climax. L's moans were more eratic then before. B's sucking and pumping had sent him over the edge as he came into B's mouth.  
B swallowed L's fluids and got up on his two feet pushing L down perposefully into the bed and stealing a deep kiss from L.

"Please B" L looked up at B as B looked down at L.

"Please what?" B asked looking down at the detective knowing the answer.

"Take me" L half moaned thrusting against B. He was already getting hard again. B noticed this.

"I'm not going to" B replied snidely kissing L again.

"Why not" L looked up at B. He hated this having to beg for what he wanted.

"Say the words I want to hear from you. Say them." B demanded looking down at L who seemed to lost in lust to even care now. This was what he wanted and it seemed to be working.

"...Very well...You are the true L not I. My life is yours and you may do whatever you like with it" L looked away ashamed of what he had said.

"Good...Now my lovely Lawliet I want you to adress me as L from here on out" B hissed as he kissed L's lips and sat up. L looked depressed and given in to defeat and lust. He needed it though. B was just too addictive. L moved his hands to B's boxers and tugged them off. B then held out his hand. L knew exactly what to do and immediately took B's hand without having to be ordered and began to suck on each digit. B smiled and slowly entered the first finger into L's entrance. L did not seem phased and thus B began to move onto the second finger. L was unaffected still and thus brought B to enter the third finger. This time L had noticed and seemed to feel uncomfortable. B began to scissor L's inside to stretch L out. L winced and whimpered noticing the pain now. B began to now search for that certain bundle of nerves that would make L moan in ecstasy. Sure enough he found it and immediately heard a loud moan from L. So B removed his fingers and replaced it with his member. L was prepared. He knew B wasn't going to be easy on him. He never was. Just as he suspected B pound into L's entrance. L let out a cry of pleasure as B hit his prostate.

"Nngh BB-kun!" L moaned rolling his head back. B looked down at L and literally stopped moving. L looked up at B and noticed his mistake.

"Forgive me L" L said as B smiled triumphantly and began to pound into L's ass hearing loud moans from L.

"Ungh L harder!" L moaned out wrapping his legs around B's waist and his arms around L's neck. B could not help but enjoy this. L begging for him to pound harder. B complied and began to thrust harder into L. One of B's hands began to snake itself around L's member and began to pump it to his thrusting. L's moaning and pants of pleasure were addictive to hear. Like candy.

"Mmngh L. Please" L moaned as B continued on with his pumping and thrusting.

"Please what Lawliet?" B hissed and could read L's mind.

"Nnh L. do what you want with me" B and L both knew exactly what this ment. L let out a loud moan as he had hit his climax. His insides tightened as he came all over B. B felt L's insides tighten. Basically sending him over the edge and causing him to come aswell. B and L both fell onto the bed panting heavily. B slowly removed himself from L's entrance and slowly reached over to a knife. "Have my way?"  
"Yes..." L said breathlessly as he watched B pick up the knife and hold it above L.

"You know I'm going to enjoy this"

"Yes L...I know do what you please with me. Kill me if you wish" L did not want to live any longer. He felt humiliated and defeated. He was broken. After all this time B had broke him.

B clutched the knife and drove it into L's chest hearing L gasp. "I love you Lawliet" Beyond spoke soothingly and twisted the whole knife around causing L to shut his eye's and groan.  
"L please just kill me now" L said wanting this to be done with.

"Kill you I shall Lawliet" Beyond licked his lips as he dragged the knife down L's chest hearing more gasps, cries and moans from L. He slowly began to literally cut open L's stomache. Differently from how he did it with Light. Once he had it open he began to jab at the organs harshly. Hearing L's gasps and struggles to get free. B watched L's life span begin to change to mere moments of life left. B wasn't happy with this death and began to cut off parts of skin.

"L faster kill me faster" L begged as B pulled his knife up to L's face and jabbed it at one of L's cheeks.

"Lawliet you seem to like pain" B spoke outloud as L groaned. B's knife was bloodied. He watched as the blood poured to the sides of L's body. L was looking at the ceiling. B held a content expression on his face. He was unaffected. He desperately looked up at L's life span.

"A minute left" B spoke outloud as L's eye's fluttered to B. "Good bye Lawliet" B spoke evilly as he began to carve a letter L and B into L's chest. The blood was literally everywhere on the bed. L's hair was soaked in blood. His body covered in the red substance and his face aswell. B seemed to smile as he began to count down L's last few seconds of life.

"B" L looked up at B not caring if B was aggrevated or not.

"What Lawliet?" B asked as he glared at L. L realized this and yet ignored it.

"I love you" L spoke soothingly as B's eye's seemed more blood like then usual.

"I love you too" B smiled sweetly and kissed L's lips and plunged the knife inbetween the L and B carved in L's chest. L's eye's closed as his life faded away. Gone forever.

**Author Note:** I really do love how this turned out. Its still one of my most particular favorite B-Fic. Well please Review and tell me what you thought. :D


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